Hannibal Lecter Would Choke On A Piece Of My Mind

The Difference Between Guys And Girls

…is that girls have magic tears.

This is going to take some explaining.

I have three sisters.  Also one brother, but he (like me) does not have magic tears.  One of my sisters has a stubborn streak, the other has a humble streak (and the rest of her is gloriously opinionated), and the last has magic tears.  The other two have magic tears to some extent, but not to the extend that Abbie has them.  In a nutshell, when she cries, she gets what she wants.

Always.  Really.  And it’s not that my dad means to be soft, it really is just those magic tears.

When I was sixteen/seventeen and boneheaded, I disappeared with my cousin for roughly five and one-half hours.  When I came back from racing go-karts, my dad had the Virginia State Police out looking for me.  I’d like to say I never did anything like that again, but…well…let’s just say I grew out of sixteen or seventeen years old before I grew out of my boneheadedness.

I’m still growing out of it.  But I digress.

I disappeared between Front Royal, VA, and Suffolk, VA, in the town we now know and love as FredVegas.  My cousin and I raced go-karts for about four hours, and then meandered on home.  We weren’t out till three in the morning.  We weren’t drunk when we arrived.  We didn’t smell like smoke, and hadn’t been chasing women.  We JUST. RACED. GO-KARTS.  And my dad had a statewide law-enforcement agency out hunting my car.

Now, back to Magic Tears.

Little Sister Leah is a grad student.  Abbie is in undergrad still.  Abbie calls Dad, begs, pleads, and finally obtains permission to visit Leah at her school.  She leaves Friday, arrives later that night at Leah’s school.  No doubt she called home, told mom she was safe and happy, and proceeded to stay up far too late yacking with Sister Leah.

So Dad, being the dad that he is, calls up Sister Abbie the next day, and demands to hear the Magic Tears.  That, apparently, will make him feel better about his weakening resolve.  Anyhoo, Dad gets around to asking her what she and Sister Leah are doing about that time.

Sister Abbie: Uh…didn’t you get my voicemail?

Dad: Uh…no.

Sister Abbie: We’re about halfway to Sister Deb’s house.

For those of you who might not know, Deb lives in Tennessee.  A THIRD OF THE WAY ACROSS THE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT.

But does she get in trouble? Law Enforcement out kicking the weeds to find her?  ALL OUT, PREDATOR-STYLE GET-TO-THE-CHOPPAA!!! reaction from the parentals?  Nooooooo.

Abbie has Magic Tears.

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3 responses

  1. Deborah

    LOL:) I forgot about the go-karts!
    We actually were just talking about how 5 years ago this never would have been acceptable. I’m glad it’s not 5 years ago:)

    October 17, 2010 at 9:37 am

  2. Dad

    DOOOOOD! Leah was the one who left the voicemail. Anyway, made for a great story!

    October 17, 2010 at 8:01 pm

  3. Dad

    Dude,
    Where is the fish!?!?!?!? I look like a camodork!!

    October 17, 2010 at 8:02 pm

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